[she wipes at her face with a paw, but smiles a little.]
It's hard, is all. I don't want anyone to think anything bad about Gerard, but he made me promise I'd let them. Because it's safer if everyone thinks the person they were mad it is the one who's dead now, but it's like -
Everything he did was for us. He isn't cruel. He never even wanted to start killing people, he thought we should try to find another way. I'm the one who wanted to. And he - he just didn't want to let me do it without him.
He's a good friend. To all of us, but... especially to you.
[gerard isn't cruel. nahida knows this, and recognizes this. he'd been thinking of the big picture all along - their whole team had. it's a big part of why, in the end, she wants to help them; even when emotions have run high at the trials, she's never once seen them lose sight of their goals.
(the bigger part is that they're her friends, though.)]
...I would hope that people would realize that. I think it should be obvious, if they've taken the time to speak with him at all. [...] But once this is over, we'll correct each and every misconception that anyone has.
No, no, it's okay. That's not even important! It's really not!
[she's just fucking sad. she doesn't actually want to make everyone who's angry at them take it back. that sucks, too. she's never going to forgive count d for rin, after all.]
It feels important, though. If they're still angry with him even knowing the reasons why he did it, that's one thing.
[she'd respect that - being upset even when you know all the facts.
it's people making assumptions that she really struggles with. the pain of losing someone doesn't go away, and it shouldn't - but she believes they should have all the facts before they form a judgment.]
I miss him, too. But... I believe we'll see him again, Ylfa.
[she doesn't actually give her a hug, since she's shied away from touch a lot this week, but - she mimes giving her one, instead. the sentiment is there.]
...I'm grateful to you, and to Gerard, and to Haru, for how hard you've all worked to help everyone. I just wish there was something more I could do to help you. It doesn't feel fair for this all to be on your shoulders.
[she wants to do more to help, though - but, maybe right this moment isn't the best time to say "look I'll plan a murder and one of you can deal the killing blow for the points."]
...I'll always be glad to talk, whenever you have anything you want to talk about. Or even if you just want me to listen. We're friends, after all.
[i mean it wouldn't not be a bad time to bring that up. even if they don't do it, there's something very depressing about trying to talk about some of this, now that the shenhe cat is a little out of the bag, only for the only response to be lists of people they're asking you not to hurt.
but mainly, she just appreciates nahida for caring so much.]
[it will be easier to bring up when the week changes over, probably. for now - the loss feels a little too fresh to just be like, "so, about the next murder..."]
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It's hard, is all. I don't want anyone to think anything bad about Gerard, but he made me promise I'd let them. Because it's safer if everyone thinks the person they were mad it is the one who's dead now, but it's like -
Everything he did was for us. He isn't cruel. He never even wanted to start killing people, he thought we should try to find another way. I'm the one who wanted to. And he - he just didn't want to let me do it without him.
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[gerard isn't cruel. nahida knows this, and recognizes this. he'd been thinking of the big picture all along - their whole team had. it's a big part of why, in the end, she wants to help them; even when emotions have run high at the trials, she's never once seen them lose sight of their goals.
(the bigger part is that they're her friends, though.)]
...I would hope that people would realize that. I think it should be obvious, if they've taken the time to speak with him at all. [...] But once this is over, we'll correct each and every misconception that anyone has.
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[she's just fucking sad. she doesn't actually want to make everyone who's angry at them take it back. that sucks, too. she's never going to forgive count d for rin, after all.]
I just miss him so much.
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[she'd respect that - being upset even when you know all the facts.
it's people making assumptions that she really struggles with. the pain of losing someone doesn't go away, and it shouldn't - but she believes they should have all the facts before they form a judgment.]
I miss him, too. But... I believe we'll see him again, Ylfa.
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[but she still does. just wiping her paw on her face again.]
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Sorry. I'm okay.
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...I'm grateful to you, and to Gerard, and to Haru, for how hard you've all worked to help everyone. I just wish there was something more I could do to help you. It doesn't feel fair for this all to be on your shoulders.
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[she wants to do more to help, though - but, maybe right this moment isn't the best time to say "look I'll plan a murder and one of you can deal the killing blow for the points."]
...I'll always be glad to talk, whenever you have anything you want to talk about. Or even if you just want me to listen. We're friends, after all.
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but mainly, she just appreciates nahida for caring so much.]
We are. Friends.
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Thank you for being my friend, Ylfa.