she's just sitting in the grass, staring up at the sky. nahida will feel the sensation of wanting to cry, and a quiet, exhausted frustration. that build up, that hot, horrible feeling behind your eyes and in your chest when you want to sob. she can't. she doesn't know how to anymore.
so she's just sitting, staring. and she doesn't look away, but:]
nahida's eyes are a little red. she's been crying, but she's tried to clean herself up. seeing shenhe and getting that feeling, though - it almost makes her want to cry all over again, to shed tears on her behalf, if she can't.
she takes a breath and sits down next to her.]
...is it alright if I stay here with you for a little while?
[shenhe isn't really a touchy person - or at least, she wasn't before she got here. but over the few weeks that she's been here it's gotten easier to reach out. she's been trained a little to accept it, and to look for it. so when nahida sits next to her, she offers a hug.]
Yes. [she murmurs.] You may stay as long as you'd like.
that surprises her, but it also draws a surge of warmth and gratitude from her, too, and she scoots a little closer to give shenhe a hug. it's gentle, rather than tight and squeezing, because she is aware that shenhe is still getting used to this sort of thing.]
...thank you. [and then, quietly - ] I'm sorry. It all happened so quickly...
[and even if it hadn't been so fast... she's not sure there would have been a way to save him, although she did want to.]
[shenhe should get used to having people around her, but nahida doesn't want her to get used to losing them. still, won't they all, eventually? people can adjust to nearly any circumstance they find themselves in; that's something she's observed so many times throughout the centuries.
but to grow accustomed to this, to acclimate to it, that just feels...]
[human emotion is a mystery to her, even if she's learned more about it as time has gone by.]
...but from what I've observed... there are many different ways to protect people. The most obvious is to protect them from physical harm. [...] But protecting their hearts... that's just as important, but sometimes, it's much more difficult.
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she's just sitting in the grass, staring up at the sky. nahida will feel the sensation of wanting to cry, and a quiet, exhausted frustration. that build up, that hot, horrible feeling behind your eyes and in your chest when you want to sob. she can't. she doesn't know how to anymore.
so she's just sitting, staring. and she doesn't look away, but:]
Nahida.
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nahida's eyes are a little red. she's been crying, but she's tried to clean herself up. seeing shenhe and getting that feeling, though - it almost makes her want to cry all over again, to shed tears on her behalf, if she can't.
she takes a breath and sits down next to her.]
...is it alright if I stay here with you for a little while?
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Yes. [she murmurs.] You may stay as long as you'd like.
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that surprises her, but it also draws a surge of warmth and gratitude from her, too, and she scoots a little closer to give shenhe a hug. it's gentle, rather than tight and squeezing, because she is aware that shenhe is still getting used to this sort of thing.]
...thank you. [and then, quietly - ] I'm sorry. It all happened so quickly...
[and even if it hadn't been so fast... she's not sure there would have been a way to save him, although she did want to.]
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There was nothing we could do to stop it. [she says, after a moment.] I'm... unused to this.
[to not being able to do anything. to losing people. she's never really had people to lose before.]
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[shenhe should get used to having people around her, but nahida doesn't want her to get used to losing them. still, won't they all, eventually? people can adjust to nearly any circumstance they find themselves in; that's something she's observed so many times throughout the centuries.
but to grow accustomed to this, to acclimate to it, that just feels...]
It's... an unpleasant feeling.
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I'm not sure how mortals do it. [like she isn't also one. listen.] I've realized that I want to protect people. It's impossible to do, here.
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[human emotion is a mystery to her, even if she's learned more about it as time has gone by.]
...but from what I've observed... there are many different ways to protect people. The most obvious is to protect them from physical harm. [...] But protecting their hearts... that's just as important, but sometimes, it's much more difficult.
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... I think it would be wise of me to not take that responsibility. {she sounds a little rueful.]
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...I think you've been doing it all along without realizing it, Shenhe.
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Have I? [... huh.] It doesn't feel like it.
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I think if you asked, the people who have been close to you in your time here would say otherwise.
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I have been trying to learn. [but she wasn't sure she was getting anywhere.] ... This week I have felt more like a burden than anything else.
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...I'm sorry to hear that, Shenhe. If it helps, I have never once thought of you as a burden.
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I do not like the way sharing my emotions has made people feel as though they must walk carefully around me. I will be happy when it's not this way.
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[it's so hard to act like everything is fine if everyone can feel that it's not! terrible.]
At least... if the pattern for the last few weeks holds, this should be the last day of it.