but this is a psychological thing, isn't it? is this something her psych could heal? and even if it was, her psych is channeled through her phone. he probably would not want a photo of himself in this state in her camera roll.
having seen the memory, she can understand precisely why he's reacting like this. she stays standing, because to kneel down might be to remind him of his mother on the floor, or his father kneeling before him. she moves, off to one side, to make sure she's not standing at the angle either of them, or that other man, had been in the memory.
she doesn't reach for him, because she doesn't want the contact to remind him of the violence he had suffered and witnessed in his memory. instead, she speaks softly.]
...can you hear the sound of my voice? You're not there anymore. Please, breathe... gently, in and out. You're going to make it through this.
[ thankfully maybe for them both, he is dissociating too hard to even think about the positioning, mind still trapped in that moment of trauma. fei du's breath is coming in a wheeze, short, and his hands flex closed -- and then open, backing off violently, like he's still there. like he could keep her from being strangled at the cost of himself. it makes the air in his lungs constrict again, and he wheezes, agonizingly in pain.
nahida's voice sounds like it comes through water. you're going to make it through this. is he? what about her? would she? no - she's a corpse in a bedroom hanging from the rafters, staring at him, you raise me up so i can stand on mountains -
another wheeze.
it takes another thirty seconds, but something in fei du is a survivor, and he claws for it - coughs, violently, again and again and again, dropping to the floor in a heap and clutching at his throat as he claws back for normality. ]
he drops, and then she kneels down next to him, her voice still gentle when she speaks.]
...is there anything I can get for you? Water, or...?
[she can imagine it must feel extremely disorientating to come out of a memory like that, and then, with the response he must have been conditioned to have to it... he sounds like he's having trouble breathing. a soft reset might be good.]
[ it sure is, yeah!!! yeah, everything is terrible!!!
he seems to be kind of slowly coming back online. this isn't the first time he's seen this memory this week, so he's, grimly, starting to get used to having traumatic ptsd flashbacks.
he manages to slow his breathing down enough that he's no longer wheezing, and realizes, dimly, that nahida is there. ]
... [ a shake of his head, and a murmured, breathless - ] Sorry. [ after another cough. rip. ]
[ when he's not having a panic attack he will feel some kind of way about this - uncomfortable, maybe. it's not nahida's fault. he's just not used to this, not used to being seen, having his carefully constructed labyrinth ripped violently away from him to reveal the softer core underneath. he'd rather die than tell people about the things that have ever happened to him, considering he barely remembers them himself.
...
he takes another breath as he starts to regulate, and wipes his hand across his mouth. it's trembling; he doesn't pay any attention to it. ] You shouldn't have had to see that.
[it's bad enough that he went through that at all, but - for it to go on display like this now... nahida frowns softly, glancing in the direction the pig noise ran off to. it better not come running back...]
...it doesn't seem like we're going to have much privacy this week, though. So, I'm sorry... for anything else I end up seeing that you don't want me to see.
It's fine. Hopefully that's the end of it. [ honestly, there are plenty of other things he'd rather avoid being shared, but that was one of the worst - he coughs one or two more times, then takes a deep breath, tilting his head back. ]
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no subject
[her first instinct is to try to heal him.
but this is a psychological thing, isn't it? is this something her psych could heal? and even if it was, her psych is channeled through her phone. he probably would not want a photo of himself in this state in her camera roll.
having seen the memory, she can understand precisely why he's reacting like this. she stays standing, because to kneel down might be to remind him of his mother on the floor, or his father kneeling before him. she moves, off to one side, to make sure she's not standing at the angle either of them, or that other man, had been in the memory.
she doesn't reach for him, because she doesn't want the contact to remind him of the violence he had suffered and witnessed in his memory. instead, she speaks softly.]
...can you hear the sound of my voice? You're not there anymore. Please, breathe... gently, in and out. You're going to make it through this.
no subject
nahida's voice sounds like it comes through water. you're going to make it through this. is he? what about her? would she? no - she's a corpse in a bedroom hanging from the rafters, staring at him, you raise me up so i can stand on mountains -
another wheeze.
it takes another thirty seconds, but something in fei du is a survivor, and he claws for it - coughs, violently, again and again and again, dropping to the floor in a heap and clutching at his throat as he claws back for normality. ]
no subject
he drops, and then she kneels down next to him, her voice still gentle when she speaks.]
...is there anything I can get for you? Water, or...?
[she can imagine it must feel extremely disorientating to come out of a memory like that, and then, with the response he must have been conditioned to have to it... he sounds like he's having trouble breathing. a soft reset might be good.]
no subject
he seems to be kind of slowly coming back online. this isn't the first time he's seen this memory this week, so he's, grimly, starting to get used to having traumatic ptsd flashbacks.
he manages to slow his breathing down enough that he's no longer wheezing, and realizes, dimly, that nahida is there. ]
... [ a shake of his head, and a murmured, breathless - ] Sorry. [ after another cough. rip. ]
no subject
There is absolutely no reason for you to apologize, Fei Du.
no subject
...
he takes another breath as he starts to regulate, and wipes his hand across his mouth. it's trembling; he doesn't pay any attention to it. ] You shouldn't have had to see that.
no subject
[it's bad enough that he went through that at all, but - for it to go on display like this now... nahida frowns softly, glancing in the direction the pig noise ran off to. it better not come running back...]
...it doesn't seem like we're going to have much privacy this week, though. So, I'm sorry... for anything else I end up seeing that you don't want me to see.
no subject
It's fine. Hopefully that's the end of it. [ honestly, there are plenty of other things he'd rather avoid being shared, but that was one of the worst - he coughs one or two more times, then takes a deep breath, tilting his head back. ]
no subject
Yes, hopefully...