[There's no loop, like there was in Netzach's facility. No button to undo the death and the pain and the loss. It was a horrible experience, and he knows that in truth, they shouldn't have something like that, something that interferes with time and space and life and death--but right now, he can't help selfishly wishing for that kind of magical power. It makes him feel like a child all over again, hoping fervently, every day, that he would wake up to realize it had all been a bad dream, and that his father was about to walk back through the door.]
if she had her power, she could have plunged them into a loop when they first arrived here - when everyone had yet to be erased. they could have repeated this as many times as they needed, finding the information that they could use to keep things from going wrong, until they found a sequence of events that freed them from this with minimal bloodshed.
but she can't do that here. there's no resetting the loop here and trying a different strategy. there's no going back and preparing shu to shoot slightly to the side, so the first shot wouldn't miss when valerie turned. there's no going back to dissuade the group from asking for a hint - if they hadn't paid for it, would they have just assumed the makeup was only used to hide valerie's injuries?
all they can do is move forward.]
I wish... [her voice trails off, and she shakes her head.] ...I wish we had a little more time.
[If he could dig his heels in, he would. He'd spoken with Vash about not undoing the past, not tampering with events and erasing their mistakes--but it feels so hard to remember that conversation now. All he can think about is every missed opportunity. Everything they didn't talk about, didn't do. They spent so much time together, far more than they ever did back in Sumeru--but it doesn't feel like enough.]
...Will you--will you find a way to tell me it's you? If you can get through?
[Imagine if I was like "no he yanks them away because he hates her forever now." But no, he doesn't do that. He holds her hands tightly, pressing his lips together. He's been such a pathetic mess tonight. The least he can do, if she won't let him protect her, is try to hold it together for five minutes.]
I know it shouldn't matter so much. [They're not on the winning team--they were never going to be. He held them back for too long. It doesn't matter what frequency they're on; they're all going to be the "losers" when it counts.] But it still does.
[he would be well within his rights to. she couldn't blame him for that whatsoever, if he'd lost faith in her.]
...I liked being here with you. Waking up in the morning and seeing you hard at work, even if I was worried you hadn't gotten enough sleep. Or just talking with you about what you were working on, or having coffee with you in the mornings, or... reminiscing about home.
[...]
And I liked it when you, Shu, and I all spent time together, too. It... it felt almost like...
[she hesitates.]
I never had a family before. But I think... that's what it would have felt like.
[He's tried so hard not to think of home too deeply. But now, exhausted and wrung out and a breath away from shattering, he can't help but dwell on it. He thinks of the Akademiya, and the Palace, and the city streets that they both know and love so dearly. He thinks of visits to Port Ormos as a child, holding his parents' hands and leaning recklessly close to the water. What was it like for Nahida, back then? He regrets, once again, that they'd taken so long to consider her.
(He pictures coffee in the kitchen and a desk with his tools strewn out and a box of cards in the corner. And books--so many books.)]
...I think it was too. [Eventually.] From what I remember.
[It's been decades since he had a family himself, after all.]
[she wishes they could go back together. she wants to return to sumeru city, and instead of going back to the sanctuary of surasthana - she wants to walk the streets with kaveh. she wants to pay him a visit at his home and put fear of god into alhaitham by showing up with a bundle of "paperwork" for him.
...she wants to bring shu along for a visit, so they can show him the sights. to drop by the zubayr theater, and see a show with the both of them, although maybe she'd have to stay out of sight so nilou wouldn't be nervous.
she wants to visit the puspa cafe, and then lambad's tavern, for some real sumeru coffee and some spiced wine.
is any of that going to be possible, or have they lost the chance to do that forever?]
Thank you, for the time we've spent here. I'll always treasure it. [...] ...if, by some miracle, we do manage to make it back despite this, I...
[It's an easy answer. That reality feels like a distant dream at this point--and hasn't Kaveh himself said it? That hopes and dreams can so easily lead to despair?
But he can't take this away from her. From both of them, really. He never would've imagined spending this much time with her before any of this--not out of a lack of desire to do so, but simply because he never would've thought she would want to. He knew his Archon. He didn't know her.
He's quiet for a little while, fighting back the urge to tell her not to thank him. To renew his efforts and beg her all over again to let him go before her, to argue until the sun comes up and they're dragged out of their warehouse.]
...If you could live in any sort of place... what would it be?
Somewhere like the Grand Bazaar, I think. Everyone there is so warm and kind.
[(meanwhile, the corrupt sages shrieking YOU LIKE THE ARTS? THIS IS WHY WE NEEDED A REPLACEMENT GOD)]
...or somewhere like Port Ormos, with a lot of people coming and going. You could hear so many stories there, from people who have traveled all around Teyvat. There would always be so many things going on.
[it would be much more difficult to be lonely, she thinks, in a place like that.]
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no subject
...It's hard to remember that we can't reset.
[There's no loop, like there was in Netzach's facility. No button to undo the death and the pain and the loss. It was a horrible experience, and he knows that in truth, they shouldn't have something like that, something that interferes with time and space and life and death--but right now, he can't help selfishly wishing for that kind of magical power. It makes him feel like a child all over again, hoping fervently, every day, that he would wake up to realize it had all been a bad dream, and that his father was about to walk back through the door.]
no subject
if she had her power, she could have plunged them into a loop when they first arrived here - when everyone had yet to be erased. they could have repeated this as many times as they needed, finding the information that they could use to keep things from going wrong, until they found a sequence of events that freed them from this with minimal bloodshed.
but she can't do that here. there's no resetting the loop here and trying a different strategy. there's no going back and preparing shu to shoot slightly to the side, so the first shot wouldn't miss when valerie turned. there's no going back to dissuade the group from asking for a hint - if they hadn't paid for it, would they have just assumed the makeup was only used to hide valerie's injuries?
all they can do is move forward.]
I wish... [her voice trails off, and she shakes her head.] ...I wish we had a little more time.
no subject
[If he could dig his heels in, he would. He'd spoken with Vash about not undoing the past, not tampering with events and erasing their mistakes--but it feels so hard to remember that conversation now. All he can think about is every missed opportunity. Everything they didn't talk about, didn't do. They spent so much time together, far more than they ever did back in Sumeru--but it doesn't feel like enough.]
...Will you--will you find a way to tell me it's you? If you can get through?
no subject
[she reaches for his hands to take both of them, if he'll let her.]
I'll do what I can to find some way to communicate with you. I'm... they're out there, somewhere. I'm sure of it. So I won't be going far from you.
no subject
I know it shouldn't matter so much. [They're not on the winning team--they were never going to be. He held them back for too long. It doesn't matter what frequency they're on; they're all going to be the "losers" when it counts.] But it still does.
[It's not the same. She'll still be gone.]
no subject
...I liked being here with you. Waking up in the morning and seeing you hard at work, even if I was worried you hadn't gotten enough sleep. Or just talking with you about what you were working on, or having coffee with you in the mornings, or... reminiscing about home.
[...]
And I liked it when you, Shu, and I all spent time together, too. It... it felt almost like...
[she hesitates.]
I never had a family before. But I think... that's what it would have felt like.
no subject
(He pictures coffee in the kitchen and a desk with his tools strewn out and a box of cards in the corner. And books--so many books.)]
...I think it was too. [Eventually.] From what I remember.
[It's been decades since he had a family himself, after all.]
no subject
[she wishes they could go back together. she wants to return to sumeru city, and instead of going back to the sanctuary of surasthana - she wants to walk the streets with kaveh. she wants to pay him a visit at his home and put fear of god into alhaitham by showing up with a bundle of "paperwork" for him.
...she wants to bring shu along for a visit, so they can show him the sights. to drop by the zubayr theater, and see a show with the both of them, although maybe she'd have to stay out of sight so nilou wouldn't be nervous.
she wants to visit the puspa cafe, and then lambad's tavern, for some real sumeru coffee and some spiced wine.
is any of that going to be possible, or have they lost the chance to do that forever?]
Thank you, for the time we've spent here. I'll always treasure it. [...] ...if, by some miracle, we do manage to make it back despite this, I...
Will you let me spend time with you again?
no subject
[It's an easy answer. That reality feels like a distant dream at this point--and hasn't Kaveh himself said it? That hopes and dreams can so easily lead to despair?
But he can't take this away from her. From both of them, really. He never would've imagined spending this much time with her before any of this--not out of a lack of desire to do so, but simply because he never would've thought she would want to. He knew his Archon. He didn't know her.
He's quiet for a little while, fighting back the urge to tell her not to thank him. To renew his efforts and beg her all over again to let him go before her, to argue until the sun comes up and they're dragged out of their warehouse.]
...If you could live in any sort of place... what would it be?
no subject
[(meanwhile, the corrupt sages shrieking YOU LIKE THE ARTS? THIS IS WHY WE NEEDED A REPLACEMENT GOD)]
...or somewhere like Port Ormos, with a lot of people coming and going. You could hear so many stories there, from people who have traveled all around Teyvat. There would always be so many things going on.
[it would be much more difficult to be lonely, she thinks, in a place like that.]