In this life, I had a friend who lived next door. [ it might sound like a non sequitur, but he continues. ] We'd known each other since we were little kids, did everything together, practically lived at each other's houses. Ichika would always cook enough for her, and ask how she was doing on the days she didn't come over.
But lately, she'd been acting really weird. Tired, or distant, and she wouldn't tell me what was wrong no matter how many times I asked. It was really strange, for her.
When I came home that day, she was in my room. She kept saying that she had to leave, because it was what's best for me - for everyone. And... she pulled out a knife and tried to kill herself right there. I tried to stop her, but... it didn't matter. She still died, in the end.
She was the sacrifice I needed to keep my dream. [ ... ] Alex was.
this game needs an actual therapist, the cyoas keep leading to trauma. which is, like, the point, but still. nahida is furious - that it's used both his dreams and his friendships to hurt him. it wouldn't have worked if they weren't both so important to him, and that's the worst part. because, even after that experience is over... he still has to live with the pain of it, and the memory of it is bound to haunt him.]
...I'm sorry, Kazuki. That must have been terrible to see. [maybe seeing alex alive and well had helped, once he'd gotten back and was no longer dissociating, but - now they all have to live with the dread of knowing they're the last four-person team remaining and thursday night is fast approaching.] Especially since... that's not a sacrifice you would have wanted to make.
It wasn't. I think, if it really came down to that... as much as it would hurt, I'd give up my dream. I don't want it if it comes at the cost of someone's life. That's not how it should be. It's not worth it.
[ especially not if it means losing someone he cares about as much as he'd cared about alex, in that life. ]
I know it wasn't real. But even know, looking at my guitar after that, knowing she died for my dream... It still hurts.
...that's because you're an empathetic person. Looking at terrible things like that and being okay with it isn't in your nature, and that's... a very good thing. The world needs people like you in it. I've always thought that.
[...]
I don't know how to make it stop hurting when you look at your guitar. Pain isn't something that anyone can just say "I've had enough of this now" about and turn it off... but... it's very sad to know that something that brought you and the others who listened to your music so much joy is causing you pain now.
[ honestly if he could turn it off by his own choice, kazuki would deeply consider it. he probably wouldn't, in the end, but it would be nice to have the option. ]
...I know I can't leave it forever. I won't. I still don't want to give up on my dream. Maybe now, more than ever, I should be trying even harder to make sure I don't need to give up anyone I care about for it. I just... don't know how to get there yet.
...you're still in the middle of your journey. But although it may hurt right now, and although it may feel like you're walking down a long and unknowable road, it isn't a road that you're walking alone. We'll be here to help you figure it out as you go.
Just take it one day at a time. And... be kind to yourself.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
[oh no.
:( ]
...what was it that you were expected to sacrifice?
cw: suicide.
In this life, I had a friend who lived next door. [ it might sound like a non sequitur, but he continues. ] We'd known each other since we were little kids, did everything together, practically lived at each other's houses. Ichika would always cook enough for her, and ask how she was doing on the days she didn't come over.
But lately, she'd been acting really weird. Tired, or distant, and she wouldn't tell me what was wrong no matter how many times I asked. It was really strange, for her.
When I came home that day, she was in my room. She kept saying that she had to leave, because it was what's best for me - for everyone. And... she pulled out a knife and tried to kill herself right there. I tried to stop her, but... it didn't matter. She still died, in the end.
She was the sacrifice I needed to keep my dream. [ ... ] Alex was.
no subject
this game needs an actual therapist, the cyoas keep leading to trauma. which is, like, the point, but still. nahida is furious - that it's used both his dreams and his friendships to hurt him. it wouldn't have worked if they weren't both so important to him, and that's the worst part. because, even after that experience is over... he still has to live with the pain of it, and the memory of it is bound to haunt him.]
...I'm sorry, Kazuki. That must have been terrible to see. [maybe seeing alex alive and well had helped, once he'd gotten back and was no longer dissociating, but - now they all have to live with the dread of knowing they're the last four-person team remaining and thursday night is fast approaching.] Especially since... that's not a sacrifice you would have wanted to make.
[he'd said it, after all - i tried to stop her.]
no subject
[ especially not if it means losing someone he cares about as much as he'd cared about alex, in that life. ]
I know it wasn't real. But even know, looking at my guitar after that, knowing she died for my dream... It still hurts.
no subject
she gives his hand a little squeeze.]
...that's because you're an empathetic person. Looking at terrible things like that and being okay with it isn't in your nature, and that's... a very good thing. The world needs people like you in it. I've always thought that.
[...]
I don't know how to make it stop hurting when you look at your guitar. Pain isn't something that anyone can just say "I've had enough of this now" about and turn it off... but... it's very sad to know that something that brought you and the others who listened to your music so much joy is causing you pain now.
no subject
[ honestly if he could turn it off by his own choice, kazuki would deeply consider it. he probably wouldn't, in the end, but it would be nice to have the option. ]
...I know I can't leave it forever. I won't. I still don't want to give up on my dream. Maybe now, more than ever, I should be trying even harder to make sure I don't need to give up anyone I care about for it. I just... don't know how to get there yet.
no subject
[her voice is very gentle.]
...you're still in the middle of your journey. But although it may hurt right now, and although it may feel like you're walking down a long and unknowable road, it isn't a road that you're walking alone. We'll be here to help you figure it out as you go.
Just take it one day at a time. And... be kind to yourself.