[she hums a little, but her brows are sort of furrowed.]
...I guess it's true that many of the other gods are accustomed to using that sort of physical force. But the Archon War is long since over. The days of god fighting god were supposed to be done... until the Sages tried to create a new one.
...hehe. You've all been very kind to me, so maybe you wouldn't see it.
But... when I lost my memories and reverted to this form, I lost much of my power... but more importantly, I also lost some of my people's faith in me.
[...but that.
doesn't ring quite true to her, when she says it, and she frowns again.
who is the g̷̻̑r̵͙̹͗̀-̴͍̪̈-̴͎̍̃t̶͚̆-̶͙̔͝r̶̙̎̆ ̷͇̻̒̓l̶͍͘-̶̘̗̒̈-̵̣̩̀d̶̖̹̒?]
Well, starting with back then... like Angela said, she intervened because she wanted to live. We were all supposed to rest, and she was meant to shut down too, but what Ayin did to her along with all of us...
I can't help being upset that she interrupted when we'd accomplished what we were trying to do for so long. But she was suffering, too. She's become more and more human, over time in the Library, and what happened there was... her desires and emotions resonating with the Library itself and the Abnormalities in it. Becoming one with them, so that we had to fight her off to get her to calm down again.
[she lets out a small sigh of relief at that. that's good, at least. for a moment, nahida had been afraid that she would have fought so hard that they wouldn't have had any choice but to kill her to defend themselves.
[he can guess at why she's so relieved, because-- well. yeah. the circumstances really do get to you...]
It's a little difficult, but... something similar happened to us, back in Lobotomy Corp. We couldn't really be saved until we'd reached the point of breaking, and been put back together. Let our worst emotions and fears get to us. It was... designed to do that.
[sometimes you just, very literally, have to live through your own hell.]
So I think this is like that, for her. Manifesting those fears and desires and letting them out.
she nods, though, because i just remembered sumeru does in fact have a ban on experimenting and researching mechanical life-forms, prOBABLY FOR REASONS LIKE THIS ONE.]
...it seems like she has a long and difficult road ahead of her.
...yeah. I thought, at first, it was... a break from that. I'm tired of it-- of killing them myself or not being able to save them. We've been trying to save humanity, but we couldn't ever protect the people close to us.
[some break this has turned out to be. right down to that part-- it's the same.]
I want to do that here, though, if I can. If there's any way.
[for a second he kind of-- hesitates. debates internally, before-]
You said it's probably not safe to write off that message. But I've been thinking about it, and... I know I'm not the best with these things, but it seems to me like if anyone is going to do something, they have to know what they're going to do. Everything's been all spread out so far, unless it was the same team for both last time.
[he's picking at his sleeve.]
It's not gonna work if someone just starts doing something reckless. Right? So what I keep coming back to is... we already have one because of Yuyu. I don't know exactly how I feel about the other teams who do besides us. I do know how I feel about you three, and it's that... if it turns out that what it said is real, I think we would all be safe if it was you.
[which he feels like she won't like (and neither would kaveh), for... probably the same reasons he trusts them, but there's a reason he isn't saying this to kaveh.]
[is she understanding him correctly? would he really feel like they would all be safe if her team went out and started sharpening their knives? hearing it is - well, it's a little flattering, in a sick sort of way; to be trusted to that extent is no small thing.
but the idea of it also makes her feel a little ill, which is... probably part of why he trusts her.
still. she can see the logic in what he's saying, too. it's important to have a plan, to not do anything too reckless, and to not spread the points out too far. if what they'll need at the end of all of this is a massive amount of points for the game's victor to spend on the outcome they want...
then yes, whoever does pursue that option really does need to know what they're doing.]
Thank you for... saying that. I'm sure it couldn't have been easy to say. [...] I know I would... do my best to save everyone, if my team did win. But... I also know that my team isn't anywhere near first place right now.
If we were to get there... would you still trust in us? Or would it make you lose your faith in us?
[...because the only way to get there, if they're understanding the messages correctly - it's to kill.]
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[she hums a little, but her brows are sort of furrowed.]
...I guess it's true that many of the other gods are accustomed to using that sort of physical force. But the Archon War is long since over. The days of god fighting god were supposed to be done... until the Sages tried to create a new one.
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well.
she looks down.]
...they wanted to replace me.
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[what FOR.]
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But... when I lost my memories and reverted to this form, I lost much of my power... but more importantly, I also lost some of my people's faith in me.
[...but that.
doesn't ring quite true to her, when she says it, and she frowns again.
who is the g̷̻̑r̵͙̹͗̀-̴͍̪̈-̴͎̍̃t̶͚̆-̶͙̔͝r̶̙̎̆ ̷͇̻̒̓l̶͍͘-̶̘̗̒̈-̵̣̩̀d̶̖̹̒?]
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[he did not seem like a particularly good god.]
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[nahida winces, one hand coming up to her head.
ẗ̸͉̲́h̵̙͗̿i̴͔̇̆͜s̸̨̘̈́ ̷̥̐̒ï̵̾ͅs̶̟̊̌ ̷̞́̏t̴̡̥̄͒h̸̫̿ͅe̴͈̾͌ ̴̰̻̅l̴̗̖̃a̵̒ͅs̷͈̟̎̚t̶̝͂ ̶̜̌m̷̨͑ę̸̥̀̇m̵͙̔͊o̷̤̰̓̐r̷̨̞͋̅y̸̥̟͠.̴͍̈́.̷̼͊̕.̶͕͓̍ ̷͉̝̈́o̴͇̾f̷͔̒̏ ̷̻̪͘m̸̽ͅy̸̨̔ ̵̩͖̔̔p̷̳̾ŗ̴̲͝ḙ̶͆d̴̙̿̈e̶̫̋c̶͙͊e̵̮̳͂s̷̳̐s̵͇̪͌o̷̫̾͝r̵̨̿]
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[hello???
it's hard, with the crutch, but he eases himself down to sit next to her, a hand on her arm.]
...is this because of the loops?
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No, I... I'm sorry, could we talk about something else for a little while?
[a pig appears in the distance, running straight for netzach...]
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and here comes a memory, complete with the included flashback, because sometimes you memshare a time you ended up memsharing. ends at 29:30!]
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she just wanted to live. nahida blinks rapidly, trying to clear the tears that are threatening to well up.]
...what happened next...?
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I can't help being upset that she interrupted when we'd accomplished what we were trying to do for so long. But she was suffering, too. She's become more and more human, over time in the Library, and what happened there was... her desires and emotions resonating with the Library itself and the Abnormalities in it. Becoming one with them, so that we had to fight her off to get her to calm down again.
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[she lets out a small sigh of relief at that. that's good, at least. for a moment, nahida had been afraid that she would have fought so hard that they wouldn't have had any choice but to kill her to defend themselves.
(maybe being in a murdergame is getting to her.)]
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[he can guess at why she's so relieved, because-- well. yeah. the circumstances really do get to you...]
It's a little difficult, but... something similar happened to us, back in Lobotomy Corp. We couldn't really be saved until we'd reached the point of breaking, and been put back together. Let our worst emotions and fears get to us. It was... designed to do that.
[sometimes you just, very literally, have to live through your own hell.]
So I think this is like that, for her. Manifesting those fears and desires and letting them out.
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[hmm.]
Do you think... there will be an end to it for her, too?
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She's become more human, but... Angela's still trying to learn about a world that's not going to welcome her living in it.
[it could break her, in the end, the reality of it.]
They broke the AI Ethics Amendment to make her. Machines aren't supposed to be that close to humans, but she was as close to one as they could get.
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she nods, though, because i just remembered sumeru does in fact have a ban on experimenting and researching mechanical life-forms, prOBABLY FOR REASONS LIKE THIS ONE.]
...it seems like she has a long and difficult road ahead of her.
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[why does it always have to end with death?
and now here, too, it's... the same.]
If I get out of here, I'm just going back to having to kill people again.
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Is that why... at the start, it sort of seemed like you didn't want to go back?
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[some break this has turned out to be. right down to that part-- it's the same.]
I want to do that here, though, if I can. If there's any way.
[for a second he kind of-- hesitates. debates internally, before-]
...hey, Nahida? You know I trust you guys, right?
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[it's just a matter of if there even is one, at this point.
she watches him as he hesitates, and then when he speaks up - she nods once.]
I do. And I trust you, too. But why are you saying that now, out of the blue?
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[he's picking at his sleeve.]
It's not gonna work if someone just starts doing something reckless. Right? So what I keep coming back to is... we already have one because of Yuyu. I don't know exactly how I feel about the other teams who do besides us. I do know how I feel about you three, and it's that... if it turns out that what it said is real, I think we would all be safe if it was you.
[which he feels like she won't like (and neither would kaveh), for... probably the same reasons he trusts them, but there's a reason he isn't saying this to kaveh.]
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Netzach...
[is she understanding him correctly? would he really feel like they would all be safe if her team went out and started sharpening their knives? hearing it is - well, it's a little flattering, in a sick sort of way; to be trusted to that extent is no small thing.
but the idea of it also makes her feel a little ill, which is... probably part of why he trusts her.
still. she can see the logic in what he's saying, too. it's important to have a plan, to not do anything too reckless, and to not spread the points out too far. if what they'll need at the end of all of this is a massive amount of points for the game's victor to spend on the outcome they want...
then yes, whoever does pursue that option really does need to know what they're doing.]
Thank you for... saying that. I'm sure it couldn't have been easy to say. [...] I know I would... do my best to save everyone, if my team did win. But... I also know that my team isn't anywhere near first place right now.
If we were to get there... would you still trust in us? Or would it make you lose your faith in us?
[...because the only way to get there, if they're understanding the messages correctly - it's to kill.]
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