dendroculi | [homophonic] catchall for valerie

...I was overly confident that I didn't need to explain - that you would understand without my saying a word.

[...]

The best way I could think of to minimize the bloodshed was for one member of a three-person team to take out another. That way, no matter how it turned out, neither team would be wiped out. And as a group, we would have a culprit to focus on, so that the overseers wouldn't think that we were cheating by looking away from the team that was in the lead if they had acted again to gather more points.

[her ears droop]

And of the three of you - I thought, with your job... you would understand the stakes that we were dealing with best of all. You would also have the combat skills necessary to make whatever happened that night look natural.

[I thought you wanted the best outcome for the entire group. And I thought, since we were friends, you would understand that I did, too.

...she winces, not intending for that thought to have slipped out, but not being able to stop it.]

...I'm sorry, Valerie. I should have explained, and I shouldn't have left you feeling like I was only pretending to be your friend. But you're right to be angry with me, for having attacked you, and I won't ever tell you that you shouldn't be.

You--you picked me because we were friends?

[ I didn't realize... ]

...why did you have to pretend like you were hurt? You know, that was the worst part of it. Thinking I was helping you only to realize I got set up. It would've been better if you'd just walked right out and shot me to start with.

...for two reasons.

First of all, I wasn't sure how closely the overseers paid attention to what happens during the erasures. [...] But I'm the type that always has to have a strategy, and I thought they probably knew that about me by now. I thought it would look more natural, if they were paying attention, if I approached it like I was trying to lure you into a trap. You probably noticed I'm not very good at physical combat, anyway.

And secondly... although a part of me did want to get away with it so that I could keep trying to help, I knew that there needed to be some kind of evidence that linked me specifically to a location that was involved with you, if it did turn out that people needed to vote for me. So I deliberately scraped my knee at the bottom of the stairs at the station, and then didn't clean it up. I thought that it would be something they could use to make the connection.

[ Wow, she really thought this through. ]

...I still wish you'd just come out swinging from the start.

But...[ heaves a sigh and sags ] Man, I can't really hate you now that I know what you were thinking.

[her ears droop.]

...I'm sorry. I didn't tell you all of that to make you feel or not feel a certain way. Your feelings are yours to feel as you will.

But... You deserved the truth. And since you asked, it felt like it was okay to share it.

[running at her and telling her all of this first thing would have felt like she was telling her not to be mad.]

No, it's...I'm glad you told me.

...sorry for being such a jerk to you this past week.

[she shakes her head]

I don't think you were being a jerk. Being angry with someone who did what I did to you is a very natural reaction.

...I hope no one gave you any trouble about it. I tried to make it clear that I was accepting it, so no one should fight with you on my behalf.

No, they didn't. The only time people gave me trouble was when I brought it on myself.

[I don't think that's quite true...]

...Valerie... [...] ...were you out for a run? Would it help to have a... mm, what's the phrase. A "jogging partner"?

[ just stares at her confused for a moment ]

I...sure, I guess. I've never had one before.

...then let's go for a run together. I'll try to keep up.

[with her wimpy little legs]

...I'll go a little slower.

[ she starts jogging, at a slower pace than she normally would. How much stamina does she even have...? ]

Hehe. Thank you.

[she runs after her! ...her stamina is pretty decent when she's not sprinting, so she's keeping up okay - she just has to take extra steps to keep up because her legs are short.]