genuinely i'm not sure how this pc is actually going to happen, because nahida has been keeping her distance from valerie to avoid getting into any arguments (she has seen what's been going on with simon and frankly does not want anyone to get annoyed with valerie for valerie being mad at her since she feels that valerie is valid for being mad), but uh. nahida is off somewhere on her own and valerie will probably just have to wander by and spot her.]
[ that is so valid nahida, and also so thoughtful, god bless your sweet soul
anyway fuck wandering, Valerie is full on running. Not sprinting tho. Just jogging around Shibuya. She gets distracted looking at a store or something and when she looks back, Nahida is there! She just barely manages to avoid fucking tackling to the ground but then comes to a stop, panting lightly. ]
there's a stray thought of I should go— which is then, suddenly, drowned out by a chorus of overlapping voices within her mind. it's impossible to clearly make out what they're saying, there are so many of them.
nahida stares blankly ahead, her gaze unfocused, and then after a few seconds seems to snap out of it and the voices in her mind go silent.]
...excuse me.
[she'll just try to get out of valerie's way i'm sorry]
lmao @ confidence week making her so sure val would understand without her saying a word which is why she ultimately never spoke up while they were on the train]
Because of your job, and the memory I saw... I thought you would understand that not everything is what it seems at first glance. That you would understand that I wasn't choosing you because I really wanted you dead, or anything like that.
...and, your job is one with extremely high stakes. The stakes here are similarly high - it's not catching ghosts, but we all have to do things we don't want to do for the sake of getting as many people out of this alive as possible. But we'd been cautioned against "cheating," too, so we couldn't coordinate things too closely without inviting scrutiny from the overseers. If they thought we were cheating, then they might make it harder for us all to get out of this.
How--how is that supposed to make me just be okay with you picking me over anyone else? I've never killed anyone. I thought we were friends. I thought that meant something!
And how am I supposed to just understand why you pretended to be hurt and need my help? It would've been better if you'd just shot me from the start!
...I was overly confident that I didn't need to explain - that you would understand without my saying a word.
[...]
The best way I could think of to minimize the bloodshed was for one member of a three-person team to take out another. That way, no matter how it turned out, neither team would be wiped out. And as a group, we would have a culprit to focus on, so that the overseers wouldn't think that we were cheating by looking away from the team that was in the lead if they had acted again to gather more points.
[her ears droop]
And of the three of you - I thought, with your job... you would understand the stakes that we were dealing with best of all. You would also have the combat skills necessary to make whatever happened that night look natural.
[I thought you wanted the best outcome for the entire group. And I thought, since we were friends, you would understand that I did, too.
...she winces, not intending for that thought to have slipped out, but not being able to stop it.]
...I'm sorry, Valerie. I should have explained, and I shouldn't have left you feeling like I was only pretending to be your friend. But you're right to be angry with me, for having attacked you, and I won't ever tell you that you shouldn't be.
...why did you have to pretend like you were hurt? You know, that was the worst part of it. Thinking I was helping you only to realize I got set up. It would've been better if you'd just walked right out and shot me to start with.
First of all, I wasn't sure how closely the overseers paid attention to what happens during the erasures. [...] But I'm the type that always has to have a strategy, and I thought they probably knew that about me by now. I thought it would look more natural, if they were paying attention, if I approached it like I was trying to lure you into a trap. You probably noticed I'm not very good at physical combat, anyway.
And secondly... although a part of me did want to get away with it so that I could keep trying to help, I knew that there needed to be some kind of evidence that linked me specifically to a location that was involved with you, if it did turn out that people needed to vote for me. So I deliberately scraped my knee at the bottom of the stairs at the station, and then didn't clean it up. I thought that it would be something they could use to make the connection.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
week 6, friday
genuinely i'm not sure how this pc is actually going to happen, because nahida has been keeping her distance from valerie to avoid getting into any arguments (she has seen what's been going on with simon and frankly does not want anyone to get annoyed with valerie for valerie being mad at her since she feels that valerie is valid for being mad), but uh. nahida is off somewhere on her own and valerie will probably just have to wander by and spot her.]
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anyway fuck wandering, Valerie is full on running. Not sprinting tho. Just jogging around Shibuya. She gets distracted looking at a store or something and when she looks back, Nahida is there! She just barely manages to avoid fucking tackling to the ground but then comes to a stop, panting lightly. ]
Oh. It's you.
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there's a stray thought of I should go— which is then, suddenly, drowned out by a chorus of overlapping voices within her mind. it's impossible to clearly make out what they're saying, there are so many of them.
nahida stares blankly ahead, her gaze unfocused, and then after a few seconds seems to snap out of it and the voices in her mind go silent.]
...excuse me.
[she'll just try to get out of valerie's way i'm sorry]
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Hey, no, what was all that just now?
[ YOUR BRAIN THOUGHTS ]
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...I think it's happening to all three of us - to Buzen, Gerard, and me.
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...so, it will pass.
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[ there's a long pause where she doesn't really know what to say or think, until, before she can tamp down on it--
Why did you pick me? ]
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I was confident you would understand.
lmao @ confidence week making her so sure val would understand without her saying a word which is why she ultimately never spoke up while they were on the train]
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...and, your job is one with extremely high stakes. The stakes here are similarly high - it's not catching ghosts, but we all have to do things we don't want to do for the sake of getting as many people out of this alive as possible. But we'd been cautioned against "cheating," too, so we couldn't coordinate things too closely without inviting scrutiny from the overseers. If they thought we were cheating, then they might make it harder for us all to get out of this.
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And how am I supposed to just understand why you pretended to be hurt and need my help? It would've been better if you'd just shot me from the start!
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[a beat.
she remembers the confidence she felt about things easlier in the week.
Oh, no. That week's effect.]
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[ what ABOUT that week's effect? Valerie hardly noticed it because her confidence is...already too high lmao ]
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...it made us unnaturally confident...
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[...]
The best way I could think of to minimize the bloodshed was for one member of a three-person team to take out another. That way, no matter how it turned out, neither team would be wiped out. And as a group, we would have a culprit to focus on, so that the overseers wouldn't think that we were cheating by looking away from the team that was in the lead if they had acted again to gather more points.
[her ears droop]
And of the three of you - I thought, with your job... you would understand the stakes that we were dealing with best of all. You would also have the combat skills necessary to make whatever happened that night look natural.
[I thought you wanted the best outcome for the entire group. And I thought, since we were friends, you would understand that I did, too.
...she winces, not intending for that thought to have slipped out, but not being able to stop it.]
...I'm sorry, Valerie. I should have explained, and I shouldn't have left you feeling like I was only pretending to be your friend. But you're right to be angry with me, for having attacked you, and I won't ever tell you that you shouldn't be.
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[ I didn't realize... ]
...why did you have to pretend like you were hurt? You know, that was the worst part of it. Thinking I was helping you only to realize I got set up. It would've been better if you'd just walked right out and shot me to start with.
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First of all, I wasn't sure how closely the overseers paid attention to what happens during the erasures. [...] But I'm the type that always has to have a strategy, and I thought they probably knew that about me by now. I thought it would look more natural, if they were paying attention, if I approached it like I was trying to lure you into a trap. You probably noticed I'm not very good at physical combat, anyway.
And secondly... although a part of me did want to get away with it so that I could keep trying to help, I knew that there needed to be some kind of evidence that linked me specifically to a location that was involved with you, if it did turn out that people needed to vote for me. So I deliberately scraped my knee at the bottom of the stairs at the station, and then didn't clean it up. I thought that it would be something they could use to make the connection.
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...I still wish you'd just come out swinging from the start.
But...[ heaves a sigh and sags ] Man, I can't really hate you now that I know what you were thinking.
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...I'm sorry. I didn't tell you all of that to make you feel or not feel a certain way. Your feelings are yours to feel as you will.
But... You deserved the truth. And since you asked, it felt like it was okay to share it.
[running at her and telling her all of this first thing would have felt like she was telling her not to be mad.]
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...sorry for being such a jerk to you this past week.
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I don't think you were being a jerk. Being angry with someone who did what I did to you is a very natural reaction.
...I hope no one gave you any trouble about it. I tried to make it clear that I was accepting it, so no one should fight with you on my behalf.
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...Valerie... [...] ...were you out for a run? Would it help to have a... mm, what's the phrase. A "jogging partner"?
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